Unfinished Writing on a Finished Lovestory

Broken promises leave us with broken wings, like a storm to a quiet village.

It never occurred to me that I’ll come to understand what love is, let alone actually writing something about it. Four months ago I only saw it in movies, heard it from friends, and read it from books. I pretty much had the details on how it is to love and be loved. Everything was understandable, well except one – pain.

They said that of all the pain that pain could get, it is the pain from a broken heart that hurts the most. It is indescribable to those who haven’t experienced it because no other pain comes close.

I rummaged through my drafts and I came upon this, dated 8/24/2014. Four months ago. An unfinished piece on a finished lovestory. But within that four months, changes happened and the emotions I had when I wrote this were all swept away by days – both from my heart and from my mind. Maybe this piece is meant to be left without an ending, because afterall, it was a fairytale minus the happy ending.

Pieces of a Broken Glass

It felt cold against my hand
Picking up the pieces of this broken glass
Everything it once held is now spilled
All dried up under the scorching heat.

I tried to mend those broken pieces,
Even cut myself as I did.
But still I tried to mend what was broken,
Hoping it will be back once again.

But hopelessness caught up with me
My hands are now too tired.
I could have held on with my will
But that too is now all gone.

I took a deep breath and looked up at the same sun
Under which the contents of my glass dried up
But I did not condemn it, for it gave me an assuring smile
So I let go of the pieces and I was filled with warmth.

Once Again. Just Like Before.

It’s been four months. A month after a three-month rule of getting over, and I did. As I read through that past letter I never gave you, I remember the fact of going through pain but I could no longer remember the feeling. It’s all strange to me now. I’m like reading a letter written by someone else whose feelings are not my own, feelings which at this moment I cannot relate. This must be what it feels like to have properly moved on.

You know, what inspired me to write this updated letter are the few lines I ended the first one with:

So don’t worry, when I’ll see you somewhere along the way I will genuinely say “Hi” with a smile and my hand waved at you 🙂

Funny. This never happened.

Three times. Three times we met and found ourselves in a common place but we were

Last Heartbreak

It came. After four months, it came. My last heartbreak from you. I knew this day is going to hurt and it does.

I know I said that I wish you two will have the relationship we never had, I genuinely did. The kind of relationship where you don’t have to hide from your mom who you’re with. The kind of relationship where she will tell her parents about you and you will tell your mom about her. The kind of relationship unbounded by worries of getting known. The kind of relationship that you wear as a crown rather than hide like a stolen jewel. That kind of relationship is the relationship we never had.

And You Know This Letter Is For You

To the one who used to hold my hand, this letter is for you. 

I don’t know if you still remember that time I told you I will write blog articles that will be about you, about us. How about that time I told you I would write you a letter in nihongo? Well, turns out that I’m writing you now a letter and posting it as a blog article. And sorry if it is not in nihongo because unexpectedly we ended up earlier than my nihongo lessons.

Actually I really don’t know where to start and what exactly to say but I feel the need to write something. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, about what happened, where we went wrong, what really was the problem. But then I could not come up with something, I could speak for myself but I could not speak for you and I think that’s where we messed up.

Doing That Tie

I always find guys wearing ties to be responsible, independent, and smart. But it’s not that easy as letting it hang there. The kind of ties they pair their long sleeve polos with matters a lot and so does the way they tie it, having that knot “triangularly” perfect with the edge resting half an inch on the belt line. Guys who have their ties like that come off looking like dependable gentlemen.

I personally learned how to tie them. I can’t do it perfectly but I can do a guy’s necktie that looks quite pleasing. I learned it one day for the sake of